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How To Invest Everything Always

3 MIN READ

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’ll be turning 42. That means I have been alive for fifteen THOUSAND, three hundred and forty days so far. How many hours … ? That’s 368 160 hours …  and counting! I have seen the most amazing sights and experienced incredible moments. I have celebrated jubilant highs and faced gut-wrenching lows. In it all I have come to know that there is never one culminating moment that I will ever arrive, nor a catastrophic day that will see me come undone. I experience my life in all its fullness with every fleeting moment that we call NOW.

Our own unique identity is the pathway to connecting deeply with others in a way that doesn’t run out. (Photo: Bruno’s Garden Marysville VIC)

 

Now

The Now moment is spectacular. Each instant of our life is jam-packed full of exquisite human experience. We each perform actions that keep everything moving along, and each of our moments are held within our own experiential narrative. Everything that has happened up to this point has brought us to now, and it is from the narrative that we have already experienced that we move forward into the next part of the story that we construct for ourselves. Here, in Time itself, we access that pivotal moment which has the potential to change everything that has happened into something new.

Now I Am Myself

We have our own understandings of the world, which are nothing like any other person’s. They have a uniquely individual perspective that we will never be able to fully understand or see for ourselves. How very liberating to know that we are free to simply operate as our own independent souls, operating in powerful autonomy. We make choices to act or not to act, to speak or not to speak, to connect or not to connect. To love or to withhold that love. We reach out to others for relationship, and they may or may not respond. They too are operating from their own autonomy, making their choices in thoughts, words, actions and omissions every single day.

Now I Am Relationship

How glorious it is that from this position of individuality and independence we exist as social beings, connected to each other in a myriad of ways. It is truly marvellous that we can share a moment, a story, an aspiration, a dream. It is not a bad thing to embrace the full power of our own singularity. Indeed, it is wonderful, because it is from this knowledge of ourselves that we can extend to others in relationships that bring honour and respect to each person. When all is said and done, this is the only way we can really experience relationships at all. Both the relationship we have with ourselves, and the ones we have with those around us all hinge on our ability to offer ourselves as we really are.

Now I Define Myself

There are few things that are more destructive than to conceive yourself through the lens of another. Although my parents and others along the way had a significant influence on my development, I am not defined by who they think I am, or ought to be. Although my ideas about being a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and even widow have a powerful bearing on how I operate, these ideas do not define my person. They do not constitute my essence. Although the understandings and expectations of my children, family, friends, clients, and even my partner are important to consider when I make choices, how they see me, and how they see the relationship I share with them is not the absolute reality. Their views do not determine who I am in my own unique self.

Now You Define Yourself

This is not only true for me, of course. It is true for all of us, and it is especially true for you. It might seem painfully obvious here and now that you are your own unique person. In the safety of this Now moment, you can clearly see that you are you. You simply operate alongside others and you craft a life story as you go. But, in reality, these truths become easily blurred. It is oh so easy to forget that who we are does not have to yield to the desires of others. We do not have to meet their expectations or adjust our priorities and preferences to theirs. We can if we choose to, but we are not obliged or compelled.

No.

Who we are can stand tall in respectful confidence and powerful autonomy. In each Now moment, our bodies can work, play and move alongside others without yielding to their controlling agenda. Our minds can think, grow and learn in connection to others without relinquishing our intelligence or our insight. Our heart can invest into profoundly intimate relationships with others without yielding our identity. Our spirits can conceive and stretch out to the other souls around us in ways which preserve and defend our vulnerabilities and still keep us safe.

Oh that we would truly see our infinite power, right here and Now. Oh that we would know, in every Now moment of our lives, that it is only from this place that we can invest all that we are with all that we have.

 

Growing Pains

3 MIN READ
I am facing a struggle at the moment that I would like to get off my chest and be honest about. As many of you might already know, I have been making a concerted effort this year to take my message to more people than ever before. My heart literally cries out to help people to find and follow their passion. I have stepped out in a big, bold way to shine a light on the truths that I have come to know. And it is working. A LOT.
I am finding people … lots of people … and they are finding me …
Kerry Anne Nelson Melbourne Based Professional Speaker

It has always been my policy to bite off my than I can chew and then chew like hell. But THIS is a whole new level

Last year I spent a lot of time in solitude, writing, reflecting, connecting with the love that I have inside. From that season of profound growth I have developed the clarity, motivation and drive that comes from a sense of focus and purpose. Every time I write a Facebook post, or share a photo on Instagram, or write a blog or email, or send a new friend a personalised video … a little drop of my passion is shared out. I am convinced that the connections that I am making with so many people over these past few months have increased simply because I have decided to put it all out there. My heart is on my sleeve the way that a two year old would manage a cold. It is raw and honest and altogether real.
If you know me, you would know that I am the same at home as I am at work, and when I am out and about socialising. I am serious about my work but love to play and muck around too. I take my relationships very much to heart, and I live to make my world better in any way I can.
The challenge for me at the moment is in managing the influx of connections that I have inadvertently created by putting myself out there to this degree. With every new friend comes a new investment for me into that person. For each new friend, the same story is true … I remember your names, your stories, your businesses, your families. I take you all with me wherever I go.
It breaks my heart to miss your notifications, your messages, emails, texts, phone bank messages … but sometimes, I can’t quite get to it because they fill up faster than I can attend to them. Over the past two hours I have literally had over 100 notifications come through on Facebook alone, and I want to get to every single comment, every single like, every single contribution that you have. I want to engage and respond because I have invested in connecting with you.
I am literally sitting here with tears in my eyes because I am not sure what to do to make myself be able to keep up and continue to serve and connect with you. Each one of you is precious, and each response spurs me on … but I am human and I am only one. I will get better at this. I will find ways to get more help with my other work so that I can continue to connect with you. No matter what the nature of my relationship is with you, or the setting of our connection, I want to attend to us. I want to be present and connected and available for the brief time we get to spend on the same page. The thought of missing those moments is heart breaking to me. Those moments that I might hear you, understand you, inspire you, motivate you, or teach you  are everything I live for. Filling my life with those moments is the passion I follow.
So please, hang in there with me. I am learning. I am growing. And I am getting better at all of it

Facebook Official

3 MIN READ

On this day three years ago, I wrote this post in Facebook:

I’m ready. It’s time.
I have had an overwhelming rush of love and support from dear, dear friends and family, but for those who don’t know, and those who are waiting for my words, I have terrible news. On Wednesday morning my dearest husband Alec step in father of my children Zachery and Isabelle, best friend, love of my life, partner in everything, maker of the finest food and pourer of wine, provider of all good things in my life, sweetest lover, family festival coordinator, chief spoiling officer, master technician and fixer of all buttoned things, fanatical one-man cheer squad of mine, boundary pusher and pathological optimist, ambitious dream maker and sharer, king of emotional adjustment and accommodator of difference, agent of grounding and reality checker, table for two booker, couch companion, avoider of bathroom cleaning but still all round super hero passed away. There are no words which adequately describe this gutting sense of loss, this hideous darkness, this engulfing lonely hole, this terror, this exhaustion. I am devastated beyond expression. My life changed forever when he joined it, and now I face new changes on his departure. I have had a marriage experience many only dream of, built on pure, raw, honest tenacity to push through every valley and dance on every mountain simply because sharing it all together was our deepest passion and life anchoring commitment. His love for me was his defining attribute, unfailing and never ending. To say he will be missed is an absurd understatement, yet better words escape me. I join Zac in feeling lost, I have never been here before, and also join Isabelle in daring to believe “We can do it!”
Please pray for us. Your love and support is our strength for now, and will be a foundation we need to ground the insanity we face. And please remember us in the coming weeks and months as we embark on learning a new life we never dreamed we would have to learn. We are tearfully figuring out how to hold on and let go at the same time. Each moment brings a new wave to deal with
And most importantly, tell your loved ones just how much you love them every single day. You can never express too much love, in words and in actions, because I have been hit like a slap in the face, it’s true, you never know how long you really have. In a blink …
xxx

 

Melbourne based speaker

The view from our old home in Research as the sun set on the first day without Alec

This morning I read that post, and the tears trickled down my face as I relived those few days of shock.

This day three years ago really was a big one. I remember writing that post very clearly. Through copious tears and with my mind racing. It was bizarre to have “memories” of Alec flooding my mind, because he had only been there beside me three days prior. I had to remind myself that he wasn’t there any more. Repeatedly. I had to learn how to have a picture of myself and my life that didn’t have him in it.

I am comforted to this day by the knowledge that love never dies. On reading this now though, I remember the feeling of his absence. Foreign. Strange. Brutal. Aggressive. Terrifying.

I have never known a sadness that washed me so completely, or a grief like this that gutted me to my core. Oh my god it was horrible. Nauseating. Dizzying. Isolating. Deafening.

But as time has passed, I have taught myself a few new ways of seeing things. Some additional layers of perspective. Nothing will stop this loss from being so so sad and horrendously tragic, but there is more. Because I lived. I kept going. The next day, and the next and the next. New seasons. New chapters. I grew.

To have lived through such a shock is the proof I need now that I can make it through anything. I know I am not the only widow in the world, and that other people have gone through more tragic circumstances. But I am not them. Nor are they me. So I don’t compare. I am simply filled with wide eyed amazement and gratitude at the experiences I have had, lessons I have learned, and the way things have turned out.

My life still stuns me to this day. It is all just so completely mind blowing. It has changed me forever to learn that light can be found through darkness. Purpose can be found through loss. Love can be found through heartbreak. And passion can be found through adversity.

And now, today … we live. We love. We bring honour to the things we have learned

 

Happy Anniversary

3 MIN READ

I wrote this up on Facebook yesterday. I thought I would share it here where it can be woven into the bigger story of my life that I share here xx

On this day 3 years ago I celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary with Mister Alec. We got up and he had set up a plan to drive to the beach and then stop at a cafe for lunch. But in true Alec style, he hadn’t actually chosen the beach or booked the cafe, because he just expected it would all work out. We didn’t know the area we were driving to. Alec had chosen it simply because there was blue next to green on the map so he figured that this is where the beach would be. Turns out that the three hour drive all around the Point Cook area didn’t quite offer the scenic vistas he had hoped for, but it did give us a chance to listen to The Jezabels in the car and find a little cafe with amazing fish.

Melbourne based professional speaker

I didn’t know this anniversary would be our last

He was right! It did all work out. We did yoga on the beach and just enjoyed the peace and calm of being balanced and in the company of love.
It was a beautiful day, and one that brings a tear to my eye as I think of the horrible loss that I have experienced. The loss wasn’t just mine though. The world was graced with a gift in Alec, and now we must simply remember, and be grateful for the days that we had with him.

I remember on day 6 after his passing I realised that the best outcome from that awful event would simply be acceptance. Nothing was ever going to change the fact that he was gone, but that I had memories to cherish and treasures of love, learning and growth to take with me into the next chapter. I saw a glimpse of the power of that acceptance on that day, but I admit that I resented it deeply and hated the fact that to simply accept such a gut wrenching tragedy was my best option. I was angry and hurting so so much.

Now I have acceptance. My eyes still brim with tears even as I write today, because the loss is sad, and it hurt me deeply. But I am so so grateful for everything that I have experienced, and everything that I continue to experience in this magical life I have now.

What a strange thing it is. To embrace pain is to dissolve its power. By accepting the reality that some things in life will hurt – they will cut us up, changes will be permanent, and situations will be uncertain and scary – But accepting the feelings of fear, hurt, anger, resentment … even powerlessness … all empower us to tackle each day. When we accept that pain will come, and for some it is being felt right now, we can somehow enjoy a confidence that we will not only get through, but that we will be better for the experience.

So in a strange way, I am grateful. Not for the loss, or the hurt, or the feelings of fear, abandonment, loneliness, grief. But for the opportunity that I have had to learn that even amidst deep pain there is beauty, power, grace, and opportunity. From this place of acceptance, I can love more deeply, take greater risks, dream bigger dreams, and extend more of myself to others.

Because I know that pain will come, and I know I can get through that. And I know that this is the pathway to growth.

Thank you Mister Alec. You helped make me free.

Motivated By Guilt?

3 MIN READ

This afternoon I did something I never do. I bailed on an event. I wasn’t speaking at the event (to bail on a speaking gig is unimaginable). I was a paying attendee at a one day conference for young entrepreneurs who want to maximise their opportunities for success. Sounds like me, right? So I went. And by 4:00pm I’d had enough.

The day started out perfectly. Gary Vaynerchuk live via hologram! Cool or what? It was one of the best talks I’ve ever heard. Love Love Loved every bit of it!

But … this was followed by a speaker who pushed her high end finance program from a platform of fear. She sold her services from the stage, inviting every one to ask themselves one question: “Would your assets be safe if the worst case scenario actually happened to you?”

It was an interesting talk, but as she steered us around the corner from engaged to fearful, I felt a little twinge of resistance flicker in my belly. I watched a line of people file to the back to sign away their thousands of dollars. They wanted to buy themselves out of fear and into a feeling of safety. And I was concerned.

Then the next speaker brought their highly entertaining presentation to us, proudly boasting how he could make $20K in a single trade on the stock market. It was a thrilling talk, with the glitz and glamour of high finances, sharp shooters and fast tracks drawing us all in. And then he too went on to hard sell his 12 month program with the promise that he would teach you how to turn your big bucks into even bigger bucks. He sold his wares by replacing your insecurity with his confidence. He would lead his new clients away from being played by the system, to a point where they could play that system themselves for their own gain.

The day went on. We wrote down some inspiring quotes. We ate overpriced packaged food. We sat in uncomfortable chairs. We tried hard to remain positive about the day’s program. But we hit a wall.

The last straw for us was in the closing tactics of the last speaker. His knowledge of how to make money through buying and selling gold and silver was truly jaw dropping. Again, his talk had an air of ‘The Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous’. He too brought a hard nosed sales pitch that would put any door to door vacuum cleaner salesman to shame. He solved the audience’s problem of poverty with fast, easy riches. He literally has three silver thrones and one made of gold. This man has the Midas touch.

The pitch didn’t end with the lucky winner of the discounted offer, or the people who remained standing only if they were committed to the program. This pitch went hard core evangelist. He actually set a timer to create urgency. Attendees had only ten minutes to rush to the back of the room, and sign away tens of thousands of dollars so that they too could learn how to live this glittering gold and silver lifestyle. And those who didn’t? Well they were labelled as those who lacked commitment. Who didn’t take action. Fence sitters. Procrastinators. They … no … WE … we were found guilty of being sub-standard entrepreneurs.

Kerry Anne Nelson Professional Speaker

With clarity you walk boldly through life’s path, confident that every step enlivens your mission.

We left.

And in the car we had a rigorous discussion about the importance of establishing crystal clear insight into your identity, your mission, and your plan.

Identity: When you know who you are, and you like that person, you stand tall, and you need nothing to validate you or your choices. You don’t need to hold hands with someone to make you feel important or powerful. You already know you are.

Mission: When you are set on your purpose, nothing can deviate you from this, because it is a passion that drives you through every single day. You don’t need to follow the lead of any wolf in sheep’s clothing, regardless of how influential or successful they might seem. Because you already know where you are headed.

Plan: When you have established a strategic plan that steps you through, you activate your mission with daily progress. It is impossible to steer you off your course. You know that all roads lead to Rome, even if they are bumpy or take sharp unexpected turns. You find fulfilment and opportunity in every step of the journey.

Clarity trumps fear, confusion, guilt, insecurity, and distraction. Only then will you be truly free of the risk of others throwing you off course. To have this clarity in these three pillars of your life is to have a freedom that simply can’t be stopped.

My Bracelet of Love

5 MIN READ

About ten years ago I bought my late husband Alec a sterling silver bracelet. I can’t remember if this gift was for his birthday or Christmas or some other special day, but I do know that I loved buying it for him. One of Alec’s strongest love languages was gift giving, which meant that he received and expressed love through the giving of quality, high value gifts. Alec loved fine things. To buy him a cheap item of jewellery or cologne or other gift would be appreciated, but not treasured. Buying him a bracelet that he wore with pride showed me that he truly loved it. I had spent as much money as I could on the bracelet. He realised that as soon as he opened it, and he savoured the gesture.

He wore the bracelet literally every single day. It didn’t matter what we were doing, or how messy it was, he never took the bracelet off. This meant that the bracelet hung from his wrist when we went to fancy restaurants, attended social events, when we did the groceries, or when we sat down to watch television at home in the evenings. It also meant that it stayed on even when he was repairing vacuum cleaners, or doing odd jobs around our house. It even meant that the bracelet was worn throughout the duration of our home renovation, where it dangled into paint pots, scraped through sanding machines, and slopped through tiling grout.

After a few years the bracelet was a mess. At first I had been so thrilled that Alec loved the gift so much that he never took it off, but as the bracelet became damaged I became annoyed that Alec wasn’t taking better care of it. I remember suggesting that he should remove it when he was doing rough work, but he insisted on wearing it. What could I do? I watched the bracelet being progressively ruined, and I tried to let it go. I reminded myself that I had given the gift to Alec so it did not belong to me. How he treated the bracelet, and the results of this treatment had nothing to do with me.

This was all well and good until the clasp on the bracelet became so stiff and warped that it no longer closed, meaning that Alec couldn’t wear it any more. He asked me to take the bracelet for repair. This made me really annoyed, because I had been working so hard to release the ownership of the bracelet to Alec, and to not be offended that he was slowly wrecking the gift that I had given him. I resisted taking the bracelet for months and months because of this offence, but finally I yielded. It was embarrassing to show up at the jewellery shop with a bracelet that looked more like a string of aluminium can ring tabs than the piece of fine jewellery that I had purchased only a few years ago. It was even more humiliating to have the perfectly presented woman behind the counter raise her eyebrows at me as she described the state of the bracelet to me. I blushed and didn’t know where to look or what to say. I knew better than anyone else that the scratches and chips and build up of grout in the joints of the bracelet were horrible.

As she mustered up her most patronising version of customer service, this glamorous woman told me that the bracelet was no longer worth the cost of the repairs it would take to restore it to a modest version of how it used to be. I nodded my understanding, thanked her for helping me, and bundled up the bracelet into the small yellow envelope that she gave me. I went home and to my great shame and regret now, I gave Alec a good old fashioned “I-told-you-so” speech. I did not hold back. I let him have all of my hurts and offences as I berated him about the lack of care he had taken with my gift.

My gift.

Yes … that’s right. I was hurt because over all of these years, that bracelet felt like something that was mine. I had a sense of ownership that I should never have had, and created an offence that I should never have experienced.

This offence went on literally for years. I knew Alec wanted me to replace the bracelet with another one, because he mentioned it before every Father’s Day, birthday, and Christmas. And every year the offence smouldered inside me, like an evil cauldron of boiling hot poison bubbling away the love of our marriage. Every year I saw that Alec wanted a new bracelet, and every year my heart responded with “Why should I? You wrecked the last one I gave you.”

This is a shameful blog to write, because you can see how truly horrible I was. The bad news is that if we let offence build up like this, each one of us run the risk of corrupting the love we have for those closest to us. My self-righteous hurt prevented my from loving Alec with openness and liberty. It stifled my love and implanted a spur of withholding into our most intimate connection.

But the good news is that there is another way. I held onto that hurt until I couldn’t bear it any longer. And then, one day, I tripped over that little yellow envelope as I was cleaning out my sock draw. By that time we had moved to Melbourne and we were both working together full-time to build our vacuum parts website. We had both grown so much over those years. Our life had changed dramatically, and our investment into our shared journey had never been deeper. That broken old bracelet inside that envelope didn’t fit the picture of our life or our love any more. I decided to make things right.

Professional Melbourne Speaker

When we hold on to offences we mar the capacity of our Infinite Self to give and receive love without limits

That Christmas I bought Alec a 9 carat gold version of that same bracelet. His face beamed as he opened the green velvet box and then he looked at me with eyes of love. With great relief I was able to say sorry that I hadn’t bought it sooner. He put it on straight away, and I was thrilled, but this time, my heart was filled with happiness for him only. That night, we had a massive discussion about the bracelet which redeemed me from the years that had been marred by my selfish resentment.

Alec wore the bracelet most of the time, but I noticed that it came off when he was doing messy jobs. I was grateful, but in my heart I had changed. I wasn’t holding on to this bracelet like I did the last one. This bracelet was truly Alec’s. I had given it freely, which released me to loving him freely. There were no bumpy, glitchy bits of selfishness that had previously corrupted my ability to give and receive love.

That Christmas was in 2014, and only five short months later, I came home to find Alec dead in our kitchen. I cannot emphasise strongly enough how grateful I am at the fortuitous timing of repairing this part of our relationship. Of course, the reality is that if I hadn’t changed my attitude and worked through this offence I would have carried it around unresolved for the rest of my life. Now, I wear this bracelet every day, to remind me to never withhold love. This bracelet is a tribute to the infinite capacity that we all have for love, when we step outside of our pride and freely open the doors of our heart.

What If … ?

4 MIN READ

What if I can’t … ?

What if they don’t … ?

What if they won’t … ?

What if it doesn’t work … ?

Life is full of crossroad moments. We make decisions every day about the direction of our lives, but some of these choices are more significant than others. Every time we face an important choice or a change we are instantly confronted with questions and cautions. Making the right decision is always a priority, but sometimes we put a lot of pressure on trying to guarantee success. Often, our ability to choose the best pathway will give us rewards in our health, finances, relationships, business, family, career, schedule and lifestyle. These choices matter.

Over the past few years I have encountered change after change after change. Each of these moments have brought me to the point where I simply had to respond. When my husband died, I had to make choices about his funeral, our business, his personal items, where I lived. In some of these areas, I struggled to make any choice at all. Admitting that this monumental change had happened, and then responding to it positively was gut-wrenching. Alec’s coffee mug sat right alongside his other desk items for weeks, completely untouched. It was only the developing mould that finally pushed me to make the choice to remove it.

Resisting Change

It is completely understandable that when life throws an unexpected spanner in the works, we struggle to make choices. We are human. We are sensitive, vulnerable and delicate. We look for ways to avoid hurt, loss, and uncertainty. We are drawn to the familiar and to the path of least resistance. Our brain directs us to do whatever we can to maintain safety, security and comfort. All of us have an involuntary, instinctive drive towards self-preservation. This motivation is meant to keep us safe and sound. It maintains the status quo, and steadies us in places we already know and understand.

From the ease of the familiar, change is not desirable. In fact, when our agenda is to continue safely as we always have, change is the enemy. When unexpected change comes at us out of the blue, it rocks our world so hard that we think we might be buried under the rubble of the earthquake. We seriously doubt we will make it.

This dreadful feeling of overwhelm is a crisis is absolutely horrible, but what about when we meet an opportunity to CREATE changes? After the crisis has hit, we are presented with the need to refocus, redefine, redirect, rebuild. How things go now is completely up to us. This is really tough going. Our brain is naturally resistant to change, so it’s common for us to approach these times wishing that everything would just return to the way it was. But this vain hope is not reality, and if we continue to cling to it, we face the very real threat of going under.

There Is Loss

Yes, there is a time for sadness, grieving, loss, devastation, mourning, licking our wounds. It is vital that we invest into letting the full impact of the loss really hit us. Whether you have lost a partner like me, or a child or other loved one, or even if you have watched a relationship fall apart, or a business fold, these changes pack a powerful punch to our emotions. The loss hurts. Deeply. Feeling that pain is central to our ability to move through it.

And There Is More

But I know from experience that there is more. Even when the pain is still throbbing, the tears are still flowing, and our heart is still racing in terror, there is more contained in this season. Your future hangs right there in the balance of your choices. In this season you are the only one with the power to make the decisions that will change your outcome. Even at this moment in time, you can embrace change. You can harness the opportunity amidst the crisis.

Hope lives while we still have breath in our lungs

Dec 17 2014. The day I moved out of our warehouse: I had a lonely sense of hoping against hope that my plans would work. I was exhausted and terrified … but I persisted … “What if I could make it?”

From where you’re sitting now, this might seem absurd. This response goes against your instinctive reaction to protect, defend, hide, retreat. To imagine that you are powerful at this time, and that there are opportunities hidden amidst the loss almost seems irreverent, cold, heartless. This mindset presses all of the buttons of our doubt, fear and discomfort. We look for a way out. We shrink back behind guilt, and retreat to the position of victim. We throw our hands up in the air and we call it quits. We ask all of the “What If … ?” questions at the top of this blog. We concede defeat and, we dress up our surrender for a worthy parade. In the honourable name of ‘mourning’, we settle for our miserable outcome.

I know how you feel. To this day I still pinch myself that I was able to clean out Alec’s wardrobe, move away from the home that we had built together, sell the business that he loved. Yes, I faced pangs of guilt and shame and sheer disbelief at the steps that I took. Honestly, I still do at times. It does seem crude and confronting that life would go on.

But it does. And for two minutes here, I hope we can all come to an acceptance of the fact that when life thrusts you into disaster, it hurts. And when it hurts we find it harder to stand up and make choices in our lives. And we ask ourselves questions to justify that hardship. Those questions highlight the risk of failure, the potential for loss, the uncertainty of the outcome. And we use the answers to justify our retreat. Despondence. Disillusionment. Disengagement.

But we are still alive. We are the survivors of the depression, the bankruptcy, the breakup, the death of our loved one. Our heart still beats out a rhythm and our breath still whispers life. It is lovely, precious and endearing that we want to protect ourselves from additional pain. But this is not always beneficial, and it certainly doesn’t allow us to build pathways towards growth and freedom when we need to recover what we can from a devastating crisis.

So, instead of asking “What If … ?” questions that enliven fear, let’s start asking the questions that enliven faith. “What if …” we could ask questions that shine a spotlight on opportunity? We could make this entire situation into something new. We could bring honour to the season of loss. We could show ourselves and others that all is not lost. People are kind, the world is good, and life is worth living. We could dare to search for something good amidst the bad, and we could actually find it!

What if I tried?

What if I could?

What if it worked?

What if I don’t?

Embrace Your Moment

4 MIN READ

I am currently preparing to move house, which I am told is one of the most stressful things that you can do. It is certainly challenging to juggle all of my normal workload from my “home office” (read bedroom/kitchen table/desk) plus pack up all of my stuff to move. Particularly when my new place is literally half the size of my current home, so all my stuff has turned into a ‘local pick up only’ Gumtree extravaganza (this is a site like eBay for my international readers). I have reached the stage of my life where apartment living is the best situation for me … But I digress.

My musings here today are to explore how we can continue to experience joy, contentment, and freedom even when life is insanely busy, and even when changes in life make you feel like you have been hit by a Mack truck. Our every day lives are set on ‘Hustle and Bustle’ mode most of the time. The To-Do list for the day is often longer than the time you have for each item, and the pressure to get it all done can be overwhelming. And this is just on an average day. You really know you’re alive when you rise to perform your typical juggling act on the extremely tough days… these are the times after that change happened … the days when life feels like it kicked you especially hard in the guts.

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Moments of beauty bring instant gratification and carry as through the pursuit of our mission

A few nights ago I stepped out of the frenzy of my house move for a brief little escape. This is often easier said than done, but if we don’t force these breaks to happen, they simply won’t. I remember wisdom from Brendan Burchard: “You say you’re too busy? Well stop! You are the only one who can change your schedule.”

You say you can’t, but you are the only one who can.

So I caught the train into the city and went for a walk through the Royal Botanic Gardens here in Melbourne. If you have never been, do it! It’s an exquisite part of the world that is full of nooks and crannies that are straight from the pages of a fairy tale, I swear. As this summer day became night I walked, exploring hidden paths that really are world’s best kept secret, right here in the heart of the CBD. I found a cobblestone path with steps that lead me down to a tropical garden area with a waterfall running into a cascade right through the middle of it. It was stunning. I was so thrilled to find such a treat. It was refreshing. I was truly grateful for the break that it gave me from my work at home. It was invigorating. The water was cool and clear and the sound made me feel like I was at some kind of evening spa.

Marvel At Marvellous Things

No, I didn’t jump in. I am the world’s biggest sook when it comes to mosquito bites. But I did marvel. I took photos and made a video and just breathed in the magic. The moment instantly inspired emotions from my childhood. I had a lump in my throat and couldn’t help but let out a laugh just because it was so completely beautiful. I know I was in a public place, and I always love to share, but in this moment, the universe was offering a gift just to me.

When I speak to people about Unstoppable Freedom, everything I share is pointed towards finding and following your passion. I love to inspire people to figure out what their life mission is, and then pursue that with everything they have. Often, the best time to do this is right after a crisis. There is something supremely liberating about facing life after the loss of your loved one, your relationship, your business, your home. In these times, we can be more open to making changes than in any other times in our lives.

Your Time Is Now

Whether you are in that season of rebuild, or you are simply trying to find your way out of the rat race, establishing a freedom that is unstoppable in our lives is the most liberating, empowering thing we can do. But starting this process has to happen from right where you are. There is no point searching for a clean slate or a brand new start. This is the stuff of glossy magazines and media pitches that appeal only to your desire to be done with all of the story that brought you here. But you can’t. It is impossible to erase the days that you have experienced up to now. You will never be able to go back to the drawing board and just start over again.

What you have is Now. Each of us have this moment that hosts our life. All of the moments of the past have brought us to this one, and when this one is over we will never get it back. It is certainly valuable to reflect and take stock of where we have been previously, and where we are headed in the future, but the only space life is actually experienced is in Now. The past is the stage and the future is the imminent ovation from the crowd, but you are the star of the show that is playing this instant.

To be unstoppably free is to ensure that we make space for moments of life and love, Now. Today. Here. In this life. They won’t come if you don’t make room for them. The world owes you nothing and there is no-one else who will make this happen for you. This is your responsibility. Your opportunity. Your moment. For you, in you, by you.

These moments are everywhere. They are there for the taking. They can be inexpensive and often they are free. They can be close by and often they are in your home town. They can be short, but boy oh boy can they be sweet. If you are facing grief, anxiety, depression, stress, burnout, overwhelm, this blog is for you. Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the sparkling moments that are there for the taking. Embrace your moment.

 

Follow Your Passion

4 MIN READ

Like so many lessons in life, learning about our passion sends us back to nature. All living things must have the ability to reproduce because this is how life continues. Living things can only be produced by other living things of the same kind, so every single living organism owes its existence to the reproductive activities of the generation that came before it. The reality is, all living things will eventually die. Processes of reproduction are not essential to the survival of that one organism, but they are essential for the continuation of the species as a whole. Ultimately, the ability of any living thing to continue the legacy of life itself is valuable not to its own generation, but for the generations of that species that are still to come.

Humans Are Alive To Create A Lasting Difference

Whether it is in training your team, building your business, raising your kids, contributing to your community, or creating something new for the rest of us, we all have the capacity to build a legacy that lives on to serve the generations that come after us. This is why we are alive: to create an effect that ripples out beyond ourselves. The creation of a legacy is something all of us could achieve, yet so many of us don’t know where to start, or how to continue. If we are to live a life of unstoppable freedom, the pursuit of our legacy is our greatest calling. Our Infinite Self is made full only in service of those around us, through the establishment of a legacy that allows our effects in the world to outlast our physical bodies. It is in the fulfilment of this pursuit that we ignite our deepest passions. To work on building our legacy is to establish a sense of mission that simply can’t be stopped.

Melbourne Public Speaker

Passion drives us through dark days

Sometimes, The Only Way Out Is Through

We have all faced periods of our lives that require us to put our head down and bum up to simply make it to the end. I’m sure that all of us can look back and see times where the only way out of a tough situation was straight through the middle of it. Living day to day and week to week is necessary to survive the tough seasons of our lives. I certainly would not want to minimise or downplay the importance of these times. But this way of life does not reflect our capacity for freedom. It is certainly not the way we sustain a life of limitless passion. There is nothing more frustrating or depressing than to pour your heart and soul into your efforts only to have the effects of your work dissolve away with the passing of time. Knowing that your blood sweat and tears will amount to little more than an expensive cycle of earn, spend, earn, spend, earn, spend is … well … it’s mind numbing, deflating, demoralising.  The problem with this lifestyle is that it leaves us worrying, “I make no difference.” We know we want more lasting fulfilment.

We completely realise the Passion of our Infinite Self by building a legacy of Outward service to others in the world around us.

Passion Shines Through The Toughest Days

When I lost my husband Alec in May 2014 I was quickly caught up in a sense of mission that cut through the darkness of my grief like a hot knife through butter. Now, this grief was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and I hope I never feel that horrible gutting loss ever again … to this day I live daily in the hope that I outlive my children. But even amidst the tears, the numbness, the loss of appetite, butterflies that took over my entire body, and cloudiness that pushed the world into a hazy, muffled corner of my outlook … even amidst the grief, I found my passion. It was born straight out of my purpose, and it made everything make sense.

I found it by looking into myself. I had to look to see what was left, even when I felt like I had lost everything. It was scary, but I did it. And I found that I still had a deep investment into things that had always been important to me … education, business, empowerment, reflections, writing, sharing, relationships, people. And from these innate strengths, and these attributes and priorities that were still alive even after my husband had died, I found my purpose which instantly set me ablaze with passion. It was truly surreal. But it happened.

Investing In Our Purpose Inspires Unstoppable Passion

The dedication that I have to my purpose ignites a passion in me that is unstoppable. I am convinced that the greatest heights of my passion are reached when I serve others with my skills, strengths and resources. For me, my service is to support other people towards growth. I love nothing more than to participate in another person’s journey, equipping and inspiring them along the way. Whether I am parenting my kids, teaching in the classroom, presenting a seminar or talk, or working with my clients, there is nothing better than joining in with someone who suddenly gets a spark of insight that changes their lives forever. I am hooked on that Aha! Moment. You know, the instant where the light bulb switches on? When new knowledge is constructed and it can only transform. I am all about helping people achieve their own freedom.

I am not alone in having desire to build a legacy. We all need this. Your legacy may not be global, it may not be public, and it may not be world-changing. The legacy in your heart may not even seem achievable right now. But if you step up to the plate of the mission that is calling you, I am convinced that this investment will ignite a passion in your heart that will never be quenched. Your legacy could exist in a product you develop, the teaching you pass on to your students, the inheritance you leave to your children, the love that you ground your family in. It could be expressed through art, music, fitness, business, dog walking, social work, design, real estate investment, beauty therapy … the list is endless for everyone. But for you, there is one thing. One thing burning in your heart. This is your gift to the world. This is the purpose that will set your passion ablaze and see you through your hardest days. It is the thing that you can’t help but pursue. Our Infinite Self is perpetually replenished by serving others in ways that suit our innate skills, strengths and attributes.

Pursue Your Purpose

6 MIN READ

As living beings we have certain characteristics in common with other living things. These separate us from non-living things. Considering the attributes that make us Alive can help us to understand the nature of our existence, and as we pull that apart, we will uncover qualities that lend themselves towards a new way of living.  This new way of living is more free than any other because it comes naturally to us. Living without limits can be as intuitive to us as breathing itself.

Like all living things, we as humans need to grow if we are to continue to be alive. Growth is the permanent, irreversible increase in size and mass of the living organism. It occurs in every living thing. Most living plants continue to increase in size throughout their lifespan, while animals usually grow to maturity and then maintain a constant size. All of the living processes of a single celled organism take place within that one cell, so growth for this form of life simply means the cell gets bigger.

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Our purpose expands our capacity and highlights the way forward

Our Purpose Promotes Growth

In our Infinite Selves growth occurs best when we are in  pursuit of our purpose. To live a life of purpose and conviction is to enjoy a sense of significant, intentional expansion in our day to day lives. With purpose comes the cause that sets our heart on fire and enlarges our capacity. We rise every morning with our eyes firmly set on our grand plan, having a sense of urgency and priority about what we do with our lives. This feeling comes from deep within us, because it originates in the core of our person. It is the drive of our Infinite Self. Knowing that our days will contribute to something of consequence brings us to a place of honour every day. We walk through every season with our shoulders back and our head held high. Who we are is realised in our purpose. This objective not only defines our reason for living, but it defines our very essence. It is in our purpose that we grow into the fullness of our Infinite Self.

Without this sense of purpose we cannot be fully, vibrantly alive. We find it all too easy to crumple like an old aluminium can. As soon as the pressure comes, we have no strength to withstand its destructive effects. When we haven’t decided and committed to our reason for living, we have very little to bring when the going gets tough. It is in these times that we see ourselves compromising on things that we thought were important. We sell out like a wilting flower. We cannot grow because we make no stand, and our living slowly stops.

Without Purpose Life Is Sluggish And Listless

 In these times, we face serious problems of being ineffective and unproductive. We can be working our fingers to the bone, but in the absence of a purposeful aim for our efforts, we risk burning out from the sheer exhaustion that comes from endless striving.  A lack of purpose can look and feel like a lack of power in our lives. It certainly feels like there is no point to doing anything much at all. It is so incredibly frustrating to know that we have a yearning for something worth fighting for. Without this conviction, we become disillusioned and disengaged from living itself.

When this happens, we end up missing out on a fulfilling, custom-made intention that pulls us through listless disillusionment into driving conviction. Our purpose gives us the strong foundation we need to face challenges with tenacity and setbacks with resolve that we will make it through. We have to. Our purpose depends on it. Our lives depend on it.

Purpose Draws Us Through The Crisis

It might seem strange or even morbid to you, but it was my own personal sense of purpose that pulled me through the days, weeks and months after my husband Alec died. It was on the day after I lost him unexpectedly that I sat at my dining table, reading over the reflective notes I had been keeping in my phone for the past few years. I knew instantly that these notes would become my book, and that I would direct everything I had towards building a professional speaking and coaching career. I wanted nothing more than to invest my natural strengths and all of my resources towards the fulfilment of this plan. This specific plan was new, and was conceived that day from the midst of my life-changing circumstances. But the plan came from the purpose that had been with me for as long as I can remember. My mission in life has always been to help people empower themselves to fulfil their greatest potential. In more recent times I have crafted this purpose statement:

The purpose of my life is to enjoy the ongoing rewards of living and loving without limits, to confidently thrive in growth through change, to feel the freedom that comes from personal empowerment, and to help others do the same.

This purpose continues to fuel my efforts at work, home and play every single day.

More often than not, our truest self takes some time to come into its own. Engaging with the journey of possessing the growth available to us in any and every situation. This is vital if we are going to grow to realise our greater Purpose. To clarify your purpose, ask yourself these questions:

  • What are my unique strengths and skills?
  • What do I want?
  • What are my lofty goals and crazy ambitions?  
  • What do I want to be known for?
  • What do I want my legacy to be?  
  • What makes me happy?  
  • What are my deal breakers of happiness, the things i simply can’t be happy without?
  • What leaves a glistening residue of fulfillment that lights me up ages after the moment has passed?
  • What am I really good at?  
  • What can I do that leaves a lasting impact on the world?

When we hear the whisper of our purpose in our hearts, it is like music to our ears. To come through the journey of connecting deeply with ourselves, then sharing this rich, deep person with the world, we come to realise that we have a strength that comes from somewhere infinite within us. This gives rise to a sense of power and opens opportunities for rewards we can create and gather to ourselves. This in turn gives us a sense of our unique purpose. This purpose is the thing that only we can offer the world. We comprehend the defining Purpose of our Infinite Self by expanding our awareness of our original, one-of-a-kind inner person. Our Infinite Self thrives when we realise that we exist to pursue a cause that burns bright. When we watch ourselves acting in the power of our Infinite Self in the world, we begin to realise that we each have a unique reason for living that suits us down to the ground.

Knowing these three things about growth will help us press on in pursuit of our purpose.

  1. GROWTH IS CONTINUOUS: On the day we stop growing, we stop living. This growth can be in baby steps, or in leaps and bounds, but without it, we cannot continue. Every day offers us opportunity to grow. Some days our growth is in our character, while others the growth is in our strength, our relationships, our finances, our spirit, our connection with ourselves. There is never a day that comes that is without these chances to grow. Every day we can enlarge the capacity of our Infinite Self.
  2. GROWTH IS DRIVEN BY PURPOSE: Just like plants grow towards the sun, and send their roots deep down into the soil in search of water, your growth will be drawn towards your own unique purpose. This purpose is unlike any other person’s, because you are your own spectacular person. To maximise opportunities for growth everyday is to come to know your superpower. Find the work that energises you and invest in it with everything you have.
  3. GROWTH ALWAYS WANTS MORE: Growth is hungry. It is driving, and it is relentless. It never stops. It is insatiable. Your Infinite Self has an urgent need for growth. This growth doesn’t need to look like gigantic strides, but it simply can’t look like standing still. Pursuing your purpose, even in tiny incremental steps will refresh your Infinite Self like nothing else can. It will be the invigoration you have needed all along.

Living a life of growth in our purpose requires a life-changing commitment. Pledge today to live a life driven by purpose:

I will live a life of Conviction, dedicated to the ongoing task of unearthing my Infinite Self. I will refuse to accept anything in life which allows jaded disillusionment to dim my unique shine. I will give ourselves to the passions of my heart, directing them towards my purpose and guarding them with my integrity. Compromise is out of the question for me. I will rise with determination to the call of my Infinite Self.