Recovery: Letting It All Go


Rebuilding the structures in my life as I recovered my voice was an exciting time indeed. There is nothing more rewarding and affirming than watching yourself claw your way though a challenge to transform it into an opportunity. Over the course of a few years I pushed my way through the darkness of depression and anxiety into new places of hope, contentment and wholeness. This reunited me with the optimistic ambition that had always come naturally to me.

The battles I fought with my mental health had been harrowing. When I was sick, ideas about the future made me feel small and powerless. I felt like my ambitions were beyond my reach, and that it was all out of my control. I felt like a failure. For those few years, my excitement about the things to come had been twisted and morphed. They had become imaginations that tormented me.


Nurturing myself through baby steps

Making choices that redefined my life meant that I needed to embrace the person that I was already, harnessing my innate strengths and attributes. I needed to really love being me, in the situation that I really was in, with life that I really did have at that time. And even though I was terrified and felt overwhelmed, I needed to grab onto possibilities and run with them. I had to surrender the anger, fear and resentment. I had to release the hurt that had come from friends who abandoned me to my days of silence, and I had to nurture myself through the terror of trying to step out. I had to permit myself to take baby steps, and embrace persistence, not perfection. My recovery demanded that I let go of everything that wasn’t recovery.

Pushing forward into recovery in any situation starts first with embracing who you are, in perfect purity and infinite truth. Freedom cannot be found by endlessly seeking retribution against those who have wronged you, or trying to pay a never-ending debt of obligation or guilt from the time you failed. Release yourself from this trap. You are the only one who can. Forgive the offence. Make the apology. And let that be enough. Then you can be free to pursue new steps on glorious new pathways. That’s where the sun shines.

New avenues of self-expression are an exhilarating and liberating part of our journey forward, because they open up a world of possibilities that call us onward and upward to deep, lasting wholeness. Finding new ways to make meaningful connections with the world around us is so fulfilling that it can bring new surges of energy and purpose in our lives. Watching ourselves succeed in taking action to make our dreams come true creates an internal alignment that strengthens our person and steadies our step. Putting your money where your mouth is really is the best investment of all.
For me, taking baby steps into my workouts, my teaching, and my business opened new options in these areas. They say it’s easier to steer a moving ship. It’s true! Getting things moving again did the trick for me in all areas. Restructuring my lifestyle to include exercise and ‘me time’ ushered in the early beginnings of self respect and connectedness. This was the platform I used to launch me into other areas of growth.
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